are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
