Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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