yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
worst night to have a conscience
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
