My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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