I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
