I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
