i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
