So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ttyl tear gas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
