sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
