I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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