i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
