Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
