Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
