and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
