You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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