WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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