btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
