he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
