Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this beer tastes like vomit already
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
