The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
