Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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