people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
