that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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