New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
