You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
