I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
