weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
