hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
