he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
