Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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