Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
