i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
