Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
