We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
