and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
