I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
