Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
