You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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