I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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