Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
