and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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