yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
