my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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