I CAN MOONWALK!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
