I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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