so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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