Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
