WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
