Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
