she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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