Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
