cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
